Restraint: Choosing Self-Control in Hard Times

What if the strongest response isn’t saying more—but holding back? In this episode, we explore the power of restraint—especially in those moments when emotions run high and it feels easier to react on impulse.

✨ Inside this episode:

• Relatable, real-life examples when restraint is hardest
• Practical tips you can use to respond wisely in your own situations
• Encouragement and resources to help you respond with grace 

📖 “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” Proverbs 11:12

Transcript

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Hi. Welcome back to the Christ Gives Hope Podcast. If you're new here, we're happy to have you. Welcome. Thanks for joining. Do you ever feel like you are hanging on by a thread? We all do at some point. We all have moments when we feel like we're barely hanging on, barely holding it all together. In these moments, we may know what the right thing is. we may even want to do it. I can't help but think of Paul's words in Romans seven 15. He says this, I do not understand what I do for what I want to do. I do not do, but what I hate I do. In other words, why do I keep doing the very things I don't want to do? We've all been there. Maybe snapping back instead of speaking kindly. Acting on impulse instead of pausing to carefully weigh our actions. It can be hard to do the right thing, even though we know what we ought to do, and even though we want to do it, it can be hard to wait and not say what we're thinking. It can be hard to not act on impulse, and this is exactly where restraint comes in. Sometimes we need help finding that restraint and learning how to live it out, which is exactly what we will explore in this episode. But first, if you are new here, this Christ Gives Hope Podcast. It's all about you. We aim to bring you Christ healing love during the hard, the crises, the grief, the difficult life challenges that you may be facing. My name is Lisa Stasik, and I'm your host. I'm also a Stephen Minister. I'll share a little more details about Stephen Ministry towards the end. Alright, let's get into restraint. What do we mean by that? Restraint is the act of holding something back, holding something back, and that's a powerful self-controlled choice that you can make. But I wanna clarify that when we hear the word restraint, especially when we're talking about using it personally, this restraint, it can sometimes initially come across like, well, you're just telling me to ignore my feelings, right? Or pretend it's fine or brush it off, kind of thing. But that's not at all what I mean here, and it's certainly not what God asks of us because there's two sides of this. There's suppressing and restraining and they are very different and it's important to point it out. Suppression is when you ignore your feelings. You pretend it's fine, brush it under the rug, and that's not healthy. However, restraint on the other hand is acknowledging, it's knowing that your emotions are real but you choose to hold back. For example, maybe you pause before acting on your emotions, or perhaps you don't say exactly what you're thinking. And that strength to hold back that self-control. It's actually a fruit of the spirit found in Galatians 5 22 to 23 self-control. I encourage you to dig into that on your own. It's powerful. You see this restraint that can be so good for you, and we'll get into some practical examples in a minute. But this restraint we're talking about is closely tied with one of the fruits of the spirit. I know how I love that. God's word and His promises in it. They weave and they work together in so many areas of your life, in so many situations, in so many things you are facing, right? If you feel like this restraint that it's impossible for you, it's not. Alright, keep listening. It is attainable. I do wanna acknowledge though, before we get into any examples, it's often hardest to practice restraint when you are hurting, when you are grieving, when you are stressed, when you're overwhelmed. And that is okay. It is going to be the hardest in those moments for all of us, right? For me too. What are some relatable, real life everyday examples when restraint can be hardest? If you're a young adult, maybe you're in school or you're just starting your career, what are some ways that having restraint could really impact help and protect you? It could be facing temptations in relationships, but you have the courage and the strength to say no. Especially when our culture says it's normal. Maybe you face peer pressure, pressure from your friends. Instead, you make the courageous choice not to follow the crowd. It could be decisions that would compromise your faith. Lastly, this can be a big one with social media identity, how you feel good about yourself, how you allow yourself to feel important. You restrain yourself from falling into the trap of chasing validation, security, meaning through social media, through what they think, what someone else thinks. Ultimately, you end up chasing after people's opinions and approval, and it's just a never ending pit. We cover this topic in a lot more detail in an earlier podcast episode titled, are You Good Enough, powerful Truths to Transform Your Self-Worth? If this is striking a chord with you, I encourage you to check that episode out. Any new parents listening? Or maybe you have sweet little kiddos running around at home, or perhaps your children are getting closer to adulthood, to living out on their own. Are you exhausted, overwhelmed. Find yourself questioning, am I doing this parent thing right? It is okay if you're exhausted or overwhelmed, but here is where that restraint can come in. Maybe you hold back from snapping at your spouse or your kids or lashing out when you're angry. Maybe you hold back from jumping in and immediately telling them what to do, but rather you ask questions that will get them thinking and encourage a deeper conversation with you. What happens is when we lash out with a quick angry or irritated response, you will feel worse off. So will your spouse or your kids, whoever's on the other end of that receiving end if you struggle with this one, moms or dads, this verse is so applicable. It says she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. That's Proverbs 31 26, and that's a favorite of mine, and you can ask. Ask for help in prayer here. Lord, will you please help me? Help me in the moments when I would normally lash or snap back, will you remind me with your promises, just like proverbs to pause, hold back, speak kindly. Secondly, this is also a big one and will be a topic as a whole in a future episode, restrain the temptation to compare yourself to other parents, or just compare in general. But this pertains to anyone listening. It's a trap. A trap that will leave you feeling inadequate. Not good enough, less than by comparing yourself to other parents, comparing your kids to other kids. For those listening who are married, what about your marriage relationship with your spouse? Often the easiest and quickest lapse of restraint can come out in our words, our tone of voice, our attitude. If you're angry, frustrated, hurt, responding in love, in kindness, politeness, even. Often is not our go-to. Right? If you find yourself stuck in an argument round and round with no end, no compromise in sight right now, try having restraint in how you respond. Start there. Start with your words, with your attitude, with your response. Maybe instead of lashing out anger or yelling, or, you know, getting that jab in there with our choice of words, right? We all know how to just poke at our spouse when we're irritated or frustrated, but instead speak kindly with your words, with your tone, even if you don't feel it. I recently came across this great little piece of advice and proverbs and oh, how I love how God's word can truly impact your day to day interactions. It can guide your character, it can guide your relationships. It's Proverbs 11:12 And it tells us this, who, whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. this context, it's not marriage per se, but this verse has helped remind me sometimes it's best to stay silent, Especially when we're angry, upset, frustrated, annoyed, the restraint to remain silent instead of that quick, off the cuff, angry response. All right. How about those of you listening who feel completely burnt out? Over committed, exhausted, overwhelmed. I have noticed, and this can be common, you're not alone if you're struggling in this, that the career, work life balance, it can be hard to juggle. We often feel like we're pulled in so many different directions and it can be overwhelming where restraint can help you. Here is this, it's okay to say no. And it could be wise start establishing some boundaries. Boundaries around your time and commitments. We could get into a whole other topic here, but it can be hard to say no to these things and follow through on boundaries of our time when we don't want to upset someone else, We don't want to disappoint them. Kind of goes into that needing that person's approval or acceptance. Needing that person's approval or acceptance often lurks underneath all of that, but we won't get into any of that in those details today, but it's helpful to be mindful of those reasons that often make it difficult to keep boundaries of our time intact and what is best for you and your family. All right. Lastly, grief. What if you're grieving, grieving the loss of a loved one, loss of your job or your career? Grieving a diagnosis for yourself or a diagnosis of a loved one. Grief can look different from person to person. If you're grieving, restraint can look very different too, and it can help you grieve in a way that is healthy, in a way that supports you in a way that is best for you physically, emotionally, spiritually, where restraint can help? Restrain from pulling away, and I say that with gentleness, sometimes you need time to yourself, but when you're ready, restrain from pulling away from those who love you, who would do anything for you. Also, restrain yourself from numbing the pain of grief. By unhealthy means, If you're facing something unexpected or extremely difficult, maybe it's grief, loss of a loved one, or maybe you're facing a decision that you need to make that seems impossible. You don't see a good outcome, or perhaps you're facing financial difficulties or your health or the health of a loved one. It is in times like these when restraint can be really difficult, we can be easily tempted to not respond in a way that we would want to. so that's just where I want to encourage you. It's okay to ask for help. First and foremost. It can be asking for help in prayer. Something as simple as, Lord, please help me. He knows your heart and what you're facing, and if any of those examples that we touched on are ringing true for you today, you're not alone. You don't have to face it alone. In fact, a lot of what we discussed today are areas where our Stephen Ministers can come alongside you to help you, to support you to be that steady, calm presence. And oftentimes what we see in Stephen Ministry, it's like an unburdening. When you have a safe space, as you would have with a Stephen Minister, you'll find it gets a little easier. Peace will start to settle in. It will start to settle into your situation, even if it has not changed. And you'll find that this restraint we're talking about that might have been very difficult may start to become a little more natural. In all of our episodes, we aim to share the hope we have in Christ, and I want to close by mentioning how Stephen Ministry can be a resource, a hand, a support for you. If Stephen Ministry is not something that you are familiar with, we as Stephen Ministers and we are all about caring for you when you need it most. It is a free, confidential, safe space for you to talk through the areas of your life that you are struggling with. we want to be Jesus' hands and feet for you as we walk alongside you. I serve alongside many men and women in our Stephen Ministry program at St. Lorenz, who have a heart for the Lord. They are full of compassion and truly wish to be that steady, calm presence as you're facing a challenge. If you are local to St. Lorenz in Frankenmuth, Michigan. We have a team of Stephen Ministers ready to support you. But if you're listening from elsewhere around the country, I encourage you to check with a local church, Stephen Ministry, it's a national ministry with headquarters in St. Louis, Missouri. Chances are very good. There's a local Stephen Ministry program near you. You don't have to be a member of St. Lorenz or a member of the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod to receive care from a Stephen Minister. You don't even need to have your faith all figured out to receive care from a Stephen Minister. It's nonjudgmental. There is no judgment here. In fact, talking with a compassionate. Trustworthy, Stephen Minister may be just what God has planned to help carry you through. If you're feeling overwhelmed and broken right now through the cross of Jesus, God can make you whole. And the heart of Stephen Ministry is rooted in the biblical principle that Christ cares for people through people. At St. Lorenz, we have a team of Stephen Ministers ready to support you to care for you. More information about our Stephen Ministry program can be found at christgiveshope.org. If you're interested in Stephen Ministry for yourself or for our loved one, more information can be found at christgiveshope.org. Please take a moment to subscribe. Or click the follow button so you don't miss any future episodes. And a quick note, this is not medical advice. If you need professional care or care from a physician that is beyond the scope of Stephen Ministry. Thank you for listening. God's blessings to you.